“She’s not even THAT pretty…” – A Story of Self-Hate

Image result for self image women

My dear fellow ladies…

I hope you’re doing very well. It’s a Saturday afternoon and I hope you’re spending it rejuvenating yourself, relaxing with friends and family and catching up on your favorite shows.

I also hope you can join me in reflecting on yourselves.

Recently, I was talking to a colleague of mine about a beautiful girl we both know. I said something like: “She’s gorgeous and stylish! I can’t imagine being that put together all the time!”

My colleague’s face turned kind of sour, and she said, “That’s all makeup – she’s totally plain without it, I can tell.”

That one comment totally shattered my opinion of that woman as a confident, self-fulfilled individual. It brought me back to high school days where cattiness was the name of the game.

So many women I know are guilty of saying something like this:

  • She’s not even *that* pretty…
  • It’s just her makeup
  • It’s just her clothes and hair
  • She just edits her pictures
  • She tries too hard

We just have to stop doing this. Like, now. No, seriously. Please stop.

The truth is, when you do this, it’s so obviously rooted in jealousy and envy. Otherwise, why in the world would you say something like this? Especially because it’s about looks, something we largely have exactly zero control over.

There’s another reason for why we just should not be doing this.

When we engage in this behavior, it hurts US more than it hurts THEM. Doing this not only makes us look blatantly jealous, which is not a cute look on anyone…it also makes the standards for women ever-higher… including for us. So now, we can’t just be beautiful and stylish – we have to be just as beautiful WITHOUT makeup, WITHOUT attractive clothing, and stop using flattering instagram filters. Or it doesn’t count?!

This whole thing is ridiculous and completely tiresome. A related note: personally have been criticized for posting too many selfies, apparently, and I spoke to a friend about it. She said something that totally changed my view of selfies and many other things women do.

“Society tells us as women that our image is incredibly, all-consumingly important. Yet, when a woman takes a selfie, something she can use to control her image…she gets criticized.”

I honestly think this applies to so many of the things we do. Whether it’s wearing makeup, spanx, flattering clothing, instagram filters, whatever the case is – it’s a small effort that women take to control our image. So please, other women, stop judging each other about such dumb stuff…

Hope you can understand. I say this because I care about you,


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